Chapter 5

Mark rubs his temples a few times. "Mark... what is it? What's wrong?" Nervously i ask placing my hand onto his leg gently stroking it. "If i've done anything wro-"
"No... you haven't..." Immediately cutting in Mark looks at me. Softly he sighs. "I don't want to push you... so please tell me to shut up..."
"You're scaring me now lad.... what are you trying to say? D...do you want to call it the end? Is that it??" Sickness swirls around my stomach and tears begin to build in my eyes. I can't loose him. That will be end of me. "I'm such a prat....i knew you could never trust me after the affair with Yasmin.... god i'm sorry... i'm so sorry Mark." The best i can i stumble to my feet holding my back whilst the tears come streaming down my face.
"I want to have a baby with you!!!" Mark shouts before i leave the room. His breathing increases and his eyes sadden a little. "I want us to have a baby... the two of us.... more than anything in the world... i'm not getting any younger... i'm a 41 year old man... i don't want to be on my last legs before his or her first birthday... i want to be that fun Dad who runs through fields, who goes swimming, who plays football, who questions the boyfriend or girlfriends..." He wipes his eyes. "I'm sorry Gary... i shouldn't of said any of that.. forget it."

For a minute or two i just stand there in a daze. My eyes fix on his face. Mark's eyes flicker in all directions worried to give me eye contact. Did he really just ask me that? He wants a baby with me? A lump forms in my throat preventing me from talking. "Gary...please...please say something? Forget what i said... i didn't mean to cause offence... i just wanted us to be a family... that's all... i'm sorry..."
Slowly i walk back to the sofa stroking my forehead with my now sweating palm. It feels like i've lost the ability to speak. This is a big decision. We're middle aged men. This isn't going to be easy especially with no experience. "Do... do you mean it? This is a big thing Mark... it might not seem it... you know... a small cuddly baby... this is serious... and it will be hard work..."
"I know... i've looked into it... i know it's going to be hard...but.. we work as a team...right?"

Taking everything in slowly butterflies form in my stomach unexpectedly. My mind drifts off for a couple of seconds. Imagining everything Mark's just said to me. Me, Mark and our baby. A baby... our baby. As i look up at Mark still words failing to leave my mouth i picture him. In his arms holding a small bundle making silly noises to the child wrapped in blankets. 'Say 'ello to Daddy... {Mark does a child's voice.} 'ello Daddy.' A small smile starts to form on my face. Quickly i shake my head from the thought. Mark nudges my shoulder. "Gaz? You're staring at me what's wrong?"
"Yes..." I whisper it's barely audible.
With a confused look Mark raises both of his eyebrows. "Huh?"
I place both of my hands onto his shoulders. "Yes...my answer is yes.... i want a baby with you.... more than anything... It'll be hard work...but you're right...we're a team." Gently i take his hands in mine swirling my thumb around the top of his hand.
Mark blinks his eyes at me several times searching my face seeing if i'm being serious or it's all a joke. "R...rea...really..?" He stutters still staring deep into my eyes.
"Y...Yes... really Mark... i want us to be a family... you...me... and Mark or Gary junior." Unable to hide it anymore a huge grin spreads onto my face.
Mark's mouth drops open a little. "Oh...w...wow...oh...god...oh...oh Gary!!" He almost jumps onto my lap wrapping his arms tightly around the back of my neck as he starts to sob against my chest.
"Ah...ah easy..." I wince a little from the pain in my back gently wrapping my arms around him. A few tears roll from my eyes and soak into his hair not believing it myself.
"S...sorry...i'm just... speechless..."
"That's a first." I laugh teasing him a little. "I love you."
Mark pouts his lips at me. "Meanie... I love you too..."
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"Here you go babe." Mark returns from the kitchen carrying two mugs of coffee.
Taking my mug from him i smile. "Thank you..." He sits beside me gently sipping from his steaming mug. "So..."
"So..." Mark clears his throat smiling a little peering from the rim of his mug.
Right now i couldn't be happier. We're going to be parents. This is going to be the happiest time of our lives. "You said you looked into it?"
A shade of red appears on Mark's face as he fiddles with the mug's handle. "Eh...y...yeah... for a couple of months now..."
"Months?! Seriously?" Feeling a little shocked that he's kept it secret all this time. After all Mark isn't always great at keeping secrets especially not ones like this. Wonder what else he's hiding..?
"Y...yeah...s..sorry..." He gulps looking down to the floor slightly.
Using a single finger under his chin i lift his head so i can look into his eyes. "Hey...don't be sorry...." I run my other hand through his soft messy hair. "Show us then?"
"Show?"
Cheekily i roll my eyes. "What's happened to that brain of yours? Baby brain already?" I laugh. "Show us your research."
A huge cheesy grin appears on Mark's face as he dives to the side of the sofa dragging out his laptop.

He scrolls through a few of his bookmarks. Something catches my eye from the list of bookmarks causing me to giggle. "Sexy adult fireman costume??"
"Erm...that's...erm... nothing..." Mark pushes his head further to the laptop screen hiding his embarrassed face. "Here..."
A website opens. 'Becoming parents... the IVF way.' Along with 3 pages of information describing the whole IVF  process. Depending on the woman it could take from a month - 2. "IVF? Not adoption?"
Mark nods. "It makes it more official... to be our baby...right? But it's going to be costly..."
"That's not my concern... the main one is that it doesn't always work out... it's not 100%....my other is... we need a surrogate to actually carry the baby... will we be ok with a stranger carrying our baby for us?"
Not replying to my question Mark sips from his mug again playing with his fingers. "Mark? What is it?"
"Well... she wouldn't be a stranger..." He swallows hard.
Feeling even more confused now i turn the laptop away so i can focus on Mark. "What are you saying?"
"M...Maybe...erm..."
"Well?"
"Maybe... i've been thinking that...erm....Y...Yasmin...could....carry...our baby..."