Chapter 37

Mark's POV

"G...Gary..." Softly i mumble, whilst staring up at the ceiling. "Why am i on the floor?" I ask myself, it's almost as if i'm paralysed. Blinking my eyes around the room, it looks familiar... too familiar. A smell swirls around my nostrils, which instantly brings warmth to my heart. I'm back in our house, being greeted by Gary's cooking. "G...Gary! Gary where are you?" Using as much energy as i can find, my fingertips gradually move across the carpet. The sound of clattering pans in the kitchen sound, immediately i narrow my eyes over towards the open door, to where i notice a moving shadow. "Gary! I'm in here! I can't... i can't move!"

Within a few seconds the shadows turns into a figure. Gary comes rushing into the room, instantly kneeing beside me on the floor. "Mark?! What on earth has happened? Have you fallen?!"
"I...I...I don't know... i just woke up and-" Glancing over towards Gary, i notice a large knife is clenched in his fist. The coldness runs under my navel on my bare skin. Swallowing hard, i study Gary's face, which is full of concentration. "G...G...Gary..." My voice shakes, as he continues to trace the knife along my exposed skin.
"You cheated on me Mark..." Gary shakes his head, releasing a sarcastic laugh. It's almost like Gary's changed into a whole different person, one minute he's fussing with a face full of worry and now it looks like he wants to punish me. "You ruined not only my life... but also our child's... i don't want you in their life... look at you... you're nothing..." Still being unable to move, the tears roll down my tensed cheeks, still not taking my eyes away from the sharp object.
"W...W...What are you going...t...to do...?" My lips tremble from the fear. Gary presses his lips together, before focusing his eyes back over to my pale looking face.
"I don't see what i can do... apart from remove you from their life..."
"H...H...How? Please...please Gary... i'm sorry...i...i...i didn't know what i was doing...i-" Suddenly a sharp ripping pain forms in my stomach. "OUCH!" Yelling at the top of my lungs, blood begins to pour from the knife wound in my stomach, as it remains deep inside of me.
"I'm going to get rid of you once and for all." Gary slashes the knife against my skin creating a pool of blood around the pair of us.
"GARY PLEASE! NO PLEASE!" The pain knocks me in and out of consciousness. Flickering my eyelids, it feels as if someones cut off my oxygen. "G...G....G..." Loudly i gasp holding cupping my throat, now being able to move. Snapping my eyes open, our living room has been replaced by a single bedroom. Using my fist i hit it as hard as i possibly can against the wall beside me in bed. My pupils roll to the back of my head, feeling all oxygen start to leave my body.

The sound of a door slamming open catches my attention. "Mark? Mate what's happening?" A hand grips to my knee. "Breathe! You've got to breathe!"
"I...I...inhal...inahl...o...or..." Stretching out my fingers towards the desktop, my eyes act as if they're both glued shut.
"Oh shit... where is it?!" Bottles of deodorant fall to the floor along with a few other things. "Got it! Here! Mark... here take a deep breath." Something plastic forces my mouth open which is followed by an unusual taste. Doing as the male tells me, i take a deep breath. Repeating the actions, a final spray enters my mouth. Finally air re enters my lungs. "Easy mate... i think... you've had some sort of panic attack." Rubbing the palms of my hands against my eyelids, i peer through the gaps in my fingers. In front of me stands a very worried looking James.
"What are...are you doing here?" Quietly i mumble, whilst wiping the sleep out of my view.
"I heard you banging on the wall...? Has this happened before?" Still feeling slightly out of breath, deeply i inhale.
"Once...or twice... a few times at home...when i had bad dreams, but Ga-" Casting my mind back to how Gary use to comfort me when i use to wake up having my nightmares which usually triggers a slight panic attack, it saddens me over the fact he's not here now to calm me. "...It doesn't matter."

"Do...Do you want a nurse?"
"No." Loudly i snap, surprised at my reaction to his comment, i sit more comfortably in my bed. "S...s..sorry... i'm fine... honest." Forcefully i smile. James gives me a half smile, as his hand gently strokes the top of my shoulder.
"Give me a shout if you want anything... i mean that..." He nods his head, before walking back towards the open bedroom door.
"James...wait..." I lift up a hand into his direction, stopping him in his tracks. Refusing to turn back around to face me, it's almost like he was expecting me to stop him from leaving. "W...why did you do it...? I thought we were friends...and i told you those things in private..." James remains in silence with his back still facing me, all that can be heard is his quiet sighing, regretting the entire situation of what happened yesterday. "...You could at least give me an answer... am i really that much of a monster?"
"...No..." Bluntly he replies in a miserable tone.
"I'm trying my best here to get my life back on track... Me and Gary both know what's happened... even if i can't remember exactly what happened i sure am suffering for it... and i'm not saying that to make people pity me." Taking a deep breath, i feel my bottom lip tremble. "...I'm in here to try to prove to Gary and our baby that i want to make things work. I want my family back, i want to be a good husband, Dad and role model... but by getting constant reminders aren't going to help, are they? I could easily take my own life away... like..." I click my fingers. "...that. But no... i'm not going to back down and i'm not going to give up on them, i would rather die trying than not at all." My eyes move away from James' figure and travel down to look at the small band on my finger. Since Gary gave me his engagement ring back, i've been wearing it and haven't took it off since... well accept when i have a shower in here...i can't trust those plug holes. Apart from the photos, the engagement ring is all i have left of him...for now.

James continues to avoid eye contact and communication with me, he's almost acting like a school boy who's just been screamed at by his teacher. "It wasn't my fault, Mark. It just kinda slipped...out..."
"Right... so my problems are top of your mind then? I thought you were better than the rest of them... i guess i thought wrong..." Pulling back the duvet, my hand wraps around the top of my crutch, which helps me to my feet.
"W...Where are you going...?"
Silently i wince whilst walking towards my desktop. Leaning against it, i open a small brown box. "Going for a shower... need to have a clear head for my session this afternoon... and i've got to go back home to collect more clothes...doubt Gary will be in, but hey ho..." Sliding the silver band off my finger, it sits in the centre of the white laced cloth. "Some people just aren't worth the time..."
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Holding a towel tightly around my waist, i being to limp back into my bedroom. That was possibly one of the worst showers i've ever had. Firstly the person who had used it before me didn't even bother to clear up after themselves, which resulted me stepping into a shower covered in hairs. Then secondly someone had used all of my shampoo apart from a tiny pea sized amount, if that, in the cap. Tying the towel around my waist, i start to towel dry my dripping hair. Reaching out for the bedside cupboard, using it as support to help me onto the bed. Gripping to my phone, my eyes scroll through my contact list, the name i've been looking for stands out straight away to me. 'G x' Almost instant i feel the stress begin to drop from my body, just by staring at the contact. Taking a deep breath, my fingers type a short message. 'Hey Gaz, it's Mark... i was wondering if it's still ok for me to drop by later on, so i can pick up some more clothes? I only need a bag's worth and if you don't want me in the house just leave the bag on the doorstep or something for me, please? Hope to see you later, Marko xx' Closing my eyes, a sigh of relief exists from my nose. I've only got a week left in here, which mean we get to finally find out the sex of our baby... which could possibly help mend a few wounds in our relationship... i can't think of anything better other than me and Gary getting back on track, falling head over heels for one another for when the baby is born... and who will be brought up by two loved up parents...

Continuing to towel dry my hair whilst looking around the room, something catches my eye. At first it doesn't sink in, until i look down at my hand. "Eh?" Dropping the towel to the floor, i take hold of my crutch, walking over to the messy looking desk. The box sits under one of my folders, which has the papers torn out. That wasn't like that when i left and i certainly wouldn't leave my desk in such a mess, not with my OCD. Lifting up the box, i crack back the lid to take a look inside. Within a few seconds of opening it, it falls to the floor when i feel a shock of horror run through my body. The empty box rolls under the bed. "N...N...no...please...no..." My breathing increases and my legs feel weak. Someones stolen Gary's engagement ring.