Chapter 46

Mark's POV

"Come on Mark, you can't stay locked in there forever." Robbie's voice mumbles through the wooden bathroom door. "I've got to go to my meeting soon and Yasmin has to take Eleanor for her check up, you have to come down and tend to your Son! He's your Son, Mark. Even his eyes lit up when he saw you." He exaggerates.
"He...He doesn't even know me." Softly i whisper, allowing the back of my head to rest against the door whilst i remain seated on the stone tiled flooring.
"But you can change that. His Mother is clearly no good, buggering off to go knows where and dumping her flesh and blood on our doorstep. Right now, you're the best thing in that little boy's life. You can't keep moping around 'ere for Gary to come back."
"I'm not moping around anywhere!" Loudly i snap. "I just want answers...that's all."
Robbie sighs. "And you wont get them until Gary comes back home. God knows when that will be, whether it is a few days or a few weeks, he will be back, in fact he has to come back for the sake of his Daughter. Please just open this door. Are you scared, is that it?"

Heavy silence fills the conversation, as the words sit on the end of my tongue unspoken. "M...Maybe..." Silently i mutter with my hands now cupping my face. "What exactly do i have to offer to this child? Its not right, he shouldn't get to know a person like me, why would anyone want me in their life never mind being a Father to them."
"Now, now you're just talking a load of bullshit, Markie. You have a lot to offer that boy. For starters you have a heart of gold and i know full well you will shower him in love and spoil him rotten. That's the main thing, no one needs anything else other than love, support and showing how much you care and willing to learn."
"I don't want to let him down, like i seem to let everyone else down. What if I'm not a good Father? Me and Gary were going to go to parenting classes, but now its little too late...my child is here ready and waiting for me." Dryly i swallow, trying to control my shaking hands.
"I've seen the way you are with our Ellie. Trust me Mark, both you and Gary are great Fathers. You do not need training for that, you are both born naturals. As long as you know the basics the rest just comes to you, just look at me!" He chuckles. "Do you really think before Eleanor was born, i was cut out to be a Father? All i cared about was booze and drugs, some role model i would of been, but we make sacrifices for our children. Its life. You can do this, Mark. I know you can. And if you need help along the way you have me and Yasmin, your family, your friends, Jason and Howard... and maybe even Gary." Even though i can't see him, i can still imagine that calming smile pressing against the door. "Well when he stops being an arse that is..."
"Oi." With a smile, a lump still forms in my throat. "He may be an arse, but i love that man. Exactly like i love my children... no matter what." Giving it a few seconds, deeply i exhale and intake long drags of air, breathing them out through my nose. Holding onto the door handle, helping me off the floor, finally i decide to open it. Standing in front of me is a grinning Robbie, pleased with my decision.
"Come on mate." Pulling me into a hug, he gives me a tight friendly hug. Returning the hug, my arms wrap around his back, as my face snuggles against his chest. "Now, let me introduce you to your boy, yeah?" Pushing his body away from mine, he slings a steady arm around my shoulder, directing me to the top of the stairs.

Walking back into the living room, the soft sound of baby noises catches my attention. Sitting on the floor in front of the TV is Eleanor and Callum. He's a good few months younger than what Eleanor is, even if Laura doesn't know the correct age of Callum, its still clear to see. Slumping down onto the sofa, i watch the two children stare vaguely at the colourful screen. "Hiya, Mark." In walks a smiling Yasmin, she pushes an earring into each one of her lobes. "Feeling OK?"
"Yeah, i guess. Busy morning?"
Setting up the buggy, which sits at the end of the living room, propped up against a corner, she nods her head. "Every morning is busy with this little madame." Once the buggy is set up, she lifts her child from the carpet.
"Muuuhhh noooo." Eleanor moans, as she is forced to sit down on the seat. "Peppy!" She grumbles, reaching her arms out towards the TV.
"Ellie, we're just going out. Peppa Pig isn't going anywhere. You've seen them all before anyway." The child folds her arms and pouts her lips at her Mother. "And don't give me that look or no park tomorrow."
Fatherhood scares me. Just the whole idea of being a parent, terrifies me. When Gary was with me, i felt safe. A lot safer knowing there was someone else to rely on, but now i'm on my own. At the moment, i'm the only parent present to my Son. Glancing back over at the fair haired boy, he leans against the pink fairy bean bag for support, his eyes haven't left the TV since i arrived back down. "Do you need help? I'm sure i can get Mum to babysit er...C..Callum."
Sweetly Yasmin smiles, once she's secured Eleanor in her buggy. "Its fine, honey. I can cope. We wont be that long, its just a quick check up then some grocery shopping. It will be good for you to have some alone time. Plus you wont have Robbie pestering you, so take advantage of that." She winks. "If there's anything you need, give me a call. I'll pick up some milk and some porridge for Callum on my trip to the shop and suppose i can pick his Daddy up a treat too."
"Oh, no i'm fi-"
"No arguments." Yasmin smirks. "If you need any toys feel free to use the ones which are tossed around the room, there's also some finger paints on the table, so use what ever you like. I'll see you in a couple of hours." Gently she pecks my cheek. "Say bye to Uncle Markie."
"Bu...buh...byee, Maccie." The child waves her chubby little hand at me, as Yasmin carefully wheelies her into the hallway.
"Bye, darling."
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The sound of keys rattling disturbs my trance. "Hey up lad, staring into space again i see?" Robbie says smiling, whilst opening his laptop bag.
"Uh? Oh no... just gone out with this programme."
"Didn't really have you down as a fan of Ben And Holly." Robbie laughs, whilst stuffing his paperwork carelessly into his bag.
"Learn something new everyday, eh?" Nervously i bite my lip by the sound of Callum's gentle moans. Robbie stares into our direction, noticing my body tense up suddenly.
"Think he wants his Daddy, mate."
"Does he? Erm... i think maybe he wants me to change the channel?" Callum's moans soon erupt into a tantrum, as he begins screaming at the top of his lungs. "Erm..." Striding over from the living room table, carefully Robbie lifts the little boy into his arms.
"Ey up little fella. Do you want your Daddy? Yeah?" Poking his fingertip against Callum's nose, the crying comes to an abrupt stop. "Sit up then lad."
Obeying Robbie's instructions, nervously i sit in a comfortable position. "But i-" My sentence soon is stopped, as the little boy is placed into my arms. Looking up at me, his blue eyes brighten and his hand grips tightly around my index finger.
"See." Happily Robbie sighs at me, his hand pats my shoulder. "I better be off. I'm already running late. Here." Handing me a red bottle filled with milk, he quickly dashes for his equipment.
"No, Rob wait you can't leave-"
"I'll see you tonight!" He calls, as the front door closes behind him.
"...Me." Softly i sigh, looking down at the bundle in my arms.

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Sitting on the floor crossed legged, i watch carefully as Callum wobbles whilst crawling along the carpet. "Do you want to do some painting?" Stopping in his tracks, he tumbles onto his bum, getting a better look at me. Setting down a couple of sheets of newspaper on the floor, i begin undoing the paint pot lids. A curious look shows on the boy's face, as he crawls back over into my direction. "Let's see if you will be the next Picasso."
"Ba...nuhhh....baaa..." He grumbles with a very faint smile on his face.
"Do you want to paint with Daddy? Lets paint so pretty pictures for Daddy to put up in his studio. I'll show you that one day, you will have a field day up in there with all the buttons." Lifting the child up from the pile of toys, he now sits in between my legs, using my frame as a support. Resting pieces of A4 paper randomly across the newspaper, i dip my finger into the red pot of paint. "Look, can you do this?" Running my finger across the blank paper, it begins to create different shapes and swirls. Intrigued by actions, Callum bounces gently on his bum with a pure look of excitement. "Here...have a go." Using my free hand, i wrap my fingers around the tiny hand, dipping a finger only of Callum's into the green pot of paint. Examining his green fingertip, he frowns at the coldness. "Now that's what you call having green fingers." I chuckle to myself at my own joke. Callum ignores my voice, as his finger trails along the paper, making random lines.

Ten minutes into the painting and its safe to say we have more paint on our skin than what the paper has. Callum pushes his hand into the yellow paint which has spilled onto the newspaper. Hitting his hands onto the paper, his hand prints give me an idea. Purposely i pour out the red paint onto a spare piece of paper, before placing my own hand into the centre of the spillage. Once my hand is covered in paint, forcefully i press my hand onto a blank piece of paper. "Can you put your hand print over Daddy's?" I ask, but of course get no reply, instead i get a vague look shot at me. Smiling to myself, i dip Callum's hand into the blue paint. He doesn't breathe a sound, as he continues to watch what I'm doing. Pushing down Callum's hand, onto the same piece of paper my painted hand is on, after a few seconds i lift his hand away to admire the artwork. "Look. It's Daddy's hand and this little hand here... is your hand." The picture shows my hand as the background and sitting in the palm of my hand on the paper is Callum's blue hand print. He tilts his head to one side, just staring at our creation. "Shall we label it, yeah?" Cradling the boy into my arms, we swiftly make our way into the kitchen. Scanning around the kitchen area, instantly i notice a pen resting on the kitchen table, next to the unopened Valentine's card which was meant for Gary. Shaking my head lightly i exhale a deep sigh. Dropping the picture onto the table, quickly i scribble on the words next to the hand prints. Daddy's hand - Next to the big hand. Callum's hand- Next to the small hand, sitting in the palm of mine on the picture. "Perfect." I smile. "My first photo from my beautiful Son." Shakily i speak with a hoarse voice, as the tears form in my eyes. It doesn't feel real. Gritting my teeth, my eyes latch onto the card which remains propped up against the flower vase. What i wouldn't give to have Gary here with us, joining in on the fun. Just the three of us lazily spending the afternoon together painting pictures or taking trips to the local park. Callum pats my cheeks together interrupting my thoughts, as the tears drip from my eyes. Turning around, i notice my now colourful face in the kitchen mirror. Brushing away the tears, the back of my hand wipes my blocked nose. "Come on, we better get this washed off. You've turned into a little rainbow."

With Callum washed and dressed for bed, I crouch on the floor next to the bed. Tonight Callum is sleeping in Eleanor's bed with me, seeing as Robbie won't be back for a few days. At six - thirty at night, Callum is already dozing off in the bed. "There was once a little boy called Callum. He was a brave little boy and had a smile which broke a million girl's hearts." Making up a bedtime story of my own, he listens carefully to every word which is spoken. "...He was a very special little boy and a very handsome one at that." Stroking his cheek with the back of my hand, subtly i smile. "He had two very loving parents in his life. Two Daddies in fact." My throat turns dry by speaking those two words. "Daddy Mark and the incredibly stunning Daddy Gary. Not only did he have such caring and loving parents in his life, but he also had a little Sister called Hannah." Tiredly i watch the little boy's eyes slowly open and close trying his best to keep awake. "Callum grew up to be a brave knight, no matter what life threw at him, with no fear he stood tall and slayed all the evil monsters, also known as the Paparazzi. Saving his beautiful Sister, Princess Hannah along the way." Within a couple of seconds, Callum's eyes finally remain closed. His cheek is nuzzled against the pillow which his fists are tightly gripped to. "Just like Daddy Gary." Quietly i smirk at the sight. "Sweet dreams little man." Delicately i peck his forehead. I guess i could get use to this. Tomorrow is just another day and with Gary and Laura off the scene for a few days, that means i need to make the most of it with my Son, before it all goes pear shaped once again. 

Chapter 45

Mark's POV

The faint sound of my mobile phone buzzing on the floor disturbs me. Reaching my arm from under the duvet, immediately i switch off the alarm without waking Robbie. I've been awake for the past half an hour, just thinking. Thinking mainly about tonight, mine and Gary's dinner together. Robbie's still fast asleep snoring his head off above me in Eleanor's bed. I now wish i chose to sleep on the sofa instead of on the floor once again in Eleanor's room, I'm starting to feel twice my age with the aches in my back. Sliding out from under my duvet, i tip toe into the empty bathroom, closing the door behind me. Switching on the shower, i turn the dial to the correct temperature. It seems that everyone in the house is still asleep, there's a strange feeling in the air and i can't seem to work it out. Once undressed, i step inside the walk in shower, sliding across the glass frosted door, leaving me now alone and back into my own world. The tepid water hits against my skin, just how i like it, nothing beats a shower to wake yourself up or to have some alone time. Thoughts swirl around my head as my fingers rake through my hair. Maybe it is too soon to spend time with Gary, even though he was the one who confessed about wanting to start again, surly he wouldn't agree to just through sympathy? No. I need to stop this, I'll only end up driving him away.

Leaning my back against the white ceramic tiles, my eyes stare down at the water running against my limbs, washing away the foamy soap from my skin. Feeling slightly light headed, my hand clutches to my forehead, whilst the other steadies myself. It wasn't such a good idea getting only two hours sleep last night and it certainly wasn't a good idea not eating anything yesterday. "Mark?" Suddenly a voice calls. "Mark?!" Followed by a knock, the voice seems to be irritated. Flicking the button on the shower causes the water to come to an abrupt holt.
"Yeah?" Inhaling a deep breath, my head pokes out of the shower door, allowing the steam to exit out through the open window.
"C'mon lad. I'm bursting here!"
"Oh...er...sorry. Give me a sec." Wrapping my towel around my waist, i bundle my nightwear together, before hurrying out the door. "Sorry Ro-"
"Forty five bloody minutes i had to hold this!" Robbie hurriedly runs into the bathroom, knocking me out the way slightly as he does. I haven't even noticed i was in there that long, see what over thinking does to me? It over takes my entire brain. Trailing back into the bedroom, carelessly i drop my used clothes into a corner of the room, before slumping down onto the unmade bed. Cupping my face in the palms of my hands, i breathe out a shaky breath. "Come on Mark, get a grip." Tapping my cheek i tilt my head either side of my shoulders. Glancing over towards my mobile, which remains face down on the carpet, an idea springs to mind. My mobile rests in the palm of my hand, clicking open the square blue tab with a white bird, my twitter account opens. Thinking of a message to type to my followers in relation to Valentine's day, something catches my attention.

'29 mins ago - @GaryBarlow : Happy Valentine's Day tweeps !!! Love, care and treasure one anothers love. Life's too short xx' 

Re reading the message over and over again, i can feel my heart melt down into the pit of my stomach. Such a simple message, but still sends a thousands thoughts. Clicking onto the tweet, the first reply says : "Does this mean you and @OfficialMarko are back together??" Their question is as good as mine. Its hard to hold back the grin which is now plastered over my face, towel drying my hair, happily i hum to myself. Even in black and white, Gary can still make me happy, its clear that Gary is the one for me.

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Sautéing the chicken in the pan of olive oil, it isn't long until the smell drives Robbie into the kitchen. "What ya cookin', Markie?" Sniffing the air, his hands rest on my shoulders.
"Coq Au Vin." Smugly i smile, flipping the chicken onto each side, as it turns a light golden brown colour. Robbie leans on the worktop, watching the chicken sizzle in the frying pan.
"Sounds grim... what is this cock something something, anyway?"
"Coq Au Vin, Rob. It's chicken in a burgundy wine sauce." Once the chicken is cooked, i begin dicing the vegetables. Taking hold of a spare knife, he helps by finely chopping up some onion.
"Wine? Are you allo-"
"Don't worry. I'm only having a couple teaspoons on mine. Its better than eating it dry. Its not like I'm going to guzzle the bottle down my neck is it?" Slightly annoyed, i cut into his sentence. Nodding his head, he lowers his protective guard.
"Of course... i didn't mean it like that. I just care about you, that's all."
"And i appreciate it, but tonight I'm trying to impress Gary without putting myself first..." Letting out an inaudible sigh, i bundle the chopped vegetables together, placing them into another frying pan of their own.
"Gary's going to love it...if that's what you're worried about. I know he's hard to please, but he will appreciate all this."
"Its not that... well it is, but i should know that man inside out... there's just a feeling..."
"A feeling? Are you having second thoughts about him?"
"No!" I yelp. "No, not that... well... not me anyway."

Robbie pulls back a chair from the kitchen table, looking intrigued by my reply. "But wasn't Gary the one who wanted to make another go of things? And didn't he agree to have dinner with you tonight." His fist rests under his chin.
"Yeah, i know that...its just... something doesn't feel right... like in my mind there's an alarm which is telling me there's something not right or there's something which will go wrong." Putting the dirty utensils into the filled sink, my teeth grip to my bottom lip. "I'm being silly again...aren't i? I just hope my over thinking doesn't cause things to end before they have even started again."
Robbie breathes a heavy sigh out through his nose with a faint smile spreading across his face.
"You are being silly, but its understandable, I don't blame you. Its clear if not to you, but to people around the pair of you, that you're both madly in love with each other. Still. Gary's still hurting and maybe he will always hurt deep down, but things will get better. The best thing is to talk and tonight will be a good reason to do so... just the two of you. Tell Gary exactly how you are feeling, that way you won't over think when he's not here." Listening carefully to Robbie's words, things become much easier.
"You're right." I surrender. "I need to pull myself together...that way we can move on in life, thanks for talking me round, mate."
"Anytime, Markie. I should listen to my own advice really." Chuckling to himself, gently he pats my back. "I have trust in you though lad. You can do this, its just you, Gary and your beautiful children...that is all that matters in life. If people want to interfere with that, then send them my way." Cheekily he winks.
"Cheers, Rob. I'll bare that in mind."
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Over three hours later and everything is in order. Dinner has been cooked, ready and waiting to be eaten. The DVD player is set up with a box set of Star Wars, waiting to be watched in the living room. Pressing play on the IPod docking station, it begins to sweetly play Your Song by Elton John. Tonight I'm making the effort. From downloading Elton John's albums, to buying box sets of Star Wars, the things i thought i would never do, but knowing that they are Gary's favourites then tonight will be different. Sitting down at the table, two plates of food are neatly placed in front of my view. Glancing over at the wall clock, softly i mumble to myself. "Fashionably late, Mr Barlow." Gary's running thirteen minutes late, but i shouldn't be worried, Gary's usually late for evenings like this, not just with me but even down to friends and interviewers. Firmly pushing the corkscrew into the top of the red wine bottle, with a pop the strength of the wine instantly fills my nostrils. The craving has made an appearance once again, the craving for alcohol. Maybe tonight could be an exception. With a mere debate with myself, i go ahead anyway. Hopefully this way my nerves will be calm enough for when Gary arrives. "Sod it." Tilting the opening of the wine over my glass, i fill it half way with the red liquid. Tapping a quick text message, i drop my head backwards, releasing a sigh of relief "Dinner's served, Sir. Can't wait to see you.. Marko xxx" . Nothing can ruin tonight

Robbie's POV 

Stirring in my sleep, an unclear noise sounds downstairs strangely catches my attention. Turning over in the child's bed, my eyes latch onto the alarm clock beside me. 7:35 am. Rubbing my heavy feeling eye lids with the palms of my hands, i discover that the make do bed hasn't been slept in. "What's he doing up so early?" Mumbling to myself, as i sling my legs over the bed i pull on a t-shirt ready to go and investigate. Creeping down the stairs, the sound soon becomes clear, that in fact its actually music playing. Elton John? Since when does Mark listen to Elton John at almost 8 in the morning? I question myself. Poking my head around the door which is ajar, a figure sits with its head down on the table, still smartly dressed. "Mark?" A wine glass is clenched in his hand, as quiet snores leave his parted lips. Plates full of food, which have been untouched remain on the table. "Mark? Mate, wake up?" Nudging his back delicately, a murmur leaves his mouth.
"Uh...?"
Skipping over towards the Ipod dock, i unplug the station. "What happened?" Within seconds it soon becomes clear. Gary never turned up. Or maybe, he just didn't like the food after all? My eyes are drawn to the red envelope sitting opposite Mark on the table, with five letters carefully scribble across it. 'Gary... x'. Just by thinking about Mark's upset and heartache due to Gary not showing, manages to boil my blood. How could he do such a thing? Hasn't Mark suffered enough from his actions already? Shaking my head, i wrap an arm around Mark's waist, helping the weak man to his feet. "I'm taking you to bed... you need a lie down...in a bed this time."
"Thank you..." Sleepily he whispers. He's acting too calm about all this, maybe he doesn't know? Maybe he fell asleep whilst waiting for Gary?

Walking back up the stairs, with one arm wrapped around Mark and the other on the stair railing to support us, we begin to make our way back towards the bedroom. "Just wait until i get my hands on that man." I whisper under a deep breath.
"Rob? Is that you?"
Looking up at the top of the stairs, there standing above me is Yasmin. A worried look is plastered across her face, as she tightly holds the tie on her dressing gown.
"Is everything, OK?" After carrying Mark's body to the top of the stairs, we enter the bedroom where i carefully rest the male. Yasmin watches from the door frame, with her phone clutched in her hand.
"How is he?" She breathes, as the door closes behind me.
"Surprisingly, fine. Better than what Gary's going to feel like when i get hold of him. Can you believe what he's done? Not turning up after all that work and effort Mark put in to please him? What an absolute arsehole." Grinding my jaw, my eyes glare at an old photograph of the five of us sitting on a self.
Looking incredibly guilty, Yasmin bows her head. "He...He texted me."
"Who? Gary?" Only a nod answers my question. "What did he say then? All this bull about him being sorry, about him being trapped in never ending traffic?!" Raising my voice, Yasmin hands me her phone. Swiftly my eyes scan the open text message on her mobile screen.

"Hiya Yaz, Its Gary. I'm just letting you know I'm on my way to Heathrow now. I'm going a way for a few days, just to clear my head and I'll be back fresher than ever. If there's any problems please give me a call, mainly to do with your health or the baby's. Send my love and see you soon. P.s Sorry for only telling you now at short notice.  Gaz xx" 

"Wait..." Focusing my eyes on the text a little clearer. "This was from last night? Yasmin, why didn't you say anything?! You let Mark do all that for fuck all, knowing full well Gary wasn't going to show?!"
"Believe me, Rob. It wasn't easy to sleep on."
"Oh poor you! Poor fucking you!" Loudly i hiss, handing back her phone. "Do you like seeing Mark suffer just to please your mate, ay?"
Backing away from me slightly, Yasmin's face saddens. "Of course i don't. Mark's my friend also, i just didn't think!"
"Clearly. You never seem to think do you?"
"Keep your voice down." Angrily, Yasmin mumbles.
"Gary's single now, you're single. Oh what a coincidence? Try and wreck what Mark and Gary have so you can hop back into Gary's bed again?!" Suddenly i feel a burning sensation on my cheek, followed by the sound of flesh on flesh filling the room. Gripping to my cheek, a voice speaks behind me.
"W...What's...going on...?" Still holding my face, turning on my heels, both of our eyes stare down at the half awake man, standing at the bedroom door.
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Mark's POV

"I knew it! I fucking knew something was going to go wrong!" Pacing up and down the living room, i continue to curse. "Every time i try and do the right thing, i end up falling flat on my face."
"Mark... calm down..." Yasmin sits on the sofa, dressing the female toddler. "And watch your language." Running my fingers through my hair, i stop in my tracks. "I'm sorry, but its true."
"Maybe he just forgot to tell you?"
"Purposely you mean. I guess this is some kind of revenge. He knew how much i was looking forward in spending the evening together. I even bought this crappy box set to watch with him!" Kicking over the rectangle box, it makes a dull thud sound as it hits the corner of the wall, after sliding along the laminate.
"I don't know, Mark. I wish i knew. I've left him a message to call you, maybe he has his phone off..."
"Or maybe he just doesn't give a damn about me?" A lump forms in my throat. Don't cry Mark. Don't. This is exactly what he wants, repetitively i repeat in my head. "I'm such a fool for ever believing him. Our relationship is over and i need to get over it." Exhaling a deep sigh, my palms cover my face.
"I'll try my best to get answers out of him, Mark. And i promise to let you know about any new information if i find it."
"No, don't. There's no point." I protest. "If he wanted me to know, then he would text me himself. Clearly I'm evil and he wants nothing more to do with me."
"Don't be silly, you know that's not true. You're far from evil!"
"Then tell me Yasmin, because I'm going out of my mind here!" Tears slowly run down my cheeks without me even noticing. I'm just far too tired to even control my emotions anymore.
"Mar-" Her sentence is cut off by the sound of a light fist making contact with the front door.
"I'll get it!" A voice calls from upstairs, followed by footsteps.

"He just needs a break and i agree with you, he should of told you. And I'm sorry for not telling you about the text. Trust me, i didn't mean for you to sit up all night, i guess i just drifted off without knowing." Sitting Eleanor comfortable in front of the TV, Yasmin snakes an arm around my shoulder. "No matter what happens, you'll always have your friends...and daughter to love and support you..." Wrapping her fingers around my wrist, she places my hand onto her ballooning stomach. Wiping away my tears with my free hand, a smile forms on my face whilst my fingers spread across her bump.
"Always."
Our quiet conversation is interrupted by the sound of mumbles coming from the hallway. "I wonder who that is?" Yasmin questions, still standing in front of me, allowing my hand to feel the light kicks of the unborn child.
"I didn't see anyone. Maybe its just Mormons." I add, trying to work out whether or not i can recognise the second voice.
"You can't! Not today, he's in no fit state. You just enjoy sticking the knife in, don't you? Yeah that's it, you do a runner! Scum of the earth!" Robbie's speech hastily turns into a shout within a split second. "You run away then! Leave us to pick up the pieces!" The front door slams loudly, making the three of us flinch. Eleanor's eyes grow with fear by the noise, quickly Yasmin leaves my side to comfort her daughter. Shuffling echoes along the hallway, as Robbie makes his way to the door frame. Holding my head still, my eyes are only able to see his feet.
"I...I...I think... you have a visitor." Robbie's voice stutters. Glancing my eyes up his figure, shock runs through my body. Standing a couple of inches away from me is Robbie and in his arms is a small child. That's when it hits me. That isn't any small child. "...Meet your Son, Mark." He looks at me with a softening smile.

Chapter 44

Mark's POV

Shifting closer towards the embarrassed looking man, gently i rest a hand onto his kneecap giving it a firm squeeze. "What was that for?" Calmly i ask, tilting my head onto one side.
"Something I've been needing to do...for a while...to make sure..." Still something doesn't feel right. Maybe I'm just over thinking, but Gary's expression looks as if he's in two minds. Regret maybe?
"Make sure, what?"
"I'm making the right decision. I've missed you, but i don't want to rush things... will you be OK with that? I understand after everything if you say no."
Shaking my head, playfully i tap his thigh. "I'll give you all the time you need, just so as long as we're a family... I love you, Gary." Softly a smile appears at the corners of his mouth.
"Come here..." Bringing his hand into contact with my face, it runs through the side of my hair whilst resting against my cheek. Our lips crash against one anothers again, this time more powerful causing my hand to leave his leg where now my arms wrap around the back of his neck, bringing the pair of us closer. The only sound which can be heard is the faint vibrations of the music on the other side of the door and our light buzzes of moans during the kiss. All tension leaves my body, kissing Gary feels a natural thing and I've certainly been craving those lips.

What feels like forever, the kiss soon comes to an end as the door swings open allowing the music to come blasting into the room. Gary is first to pull away to inspect the intruder. "Oh...er...s...sorry..." The female nervously stutters at the door frame.
"No, don't be sorry love... is everything OK?" Releasing me from his arms, Gary narrows a brow into the woman's direction. Turning my head and pulling back my arms, Yasmin smiles sweetly at the pair of us.
"I just wanted to let you know, Rob's five minutes away... and the guests are getting ready to hide...are you guys coming or?"
"Actually-"
"Yeah, of course." Cutting into my sentence, Gary stands to his feet, without even bothering to look back at me he walks out of the room. Leaving behind a very confused me.
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The party has been going on for over two hours now, Rob is sitting at one end of the room with a slab of chocolate cake on his plate, his fork breaks it in half as he continues his quiet chatter with Jonny and a few of the guests. Picking up my jacket i slide it onto my arms, before walking through the partly crowded kitchen. At the moment for some reason i feel suffocated in there. Without looking too rude leaving the party without a say so, i decide to take a stroll down the garden. The cool breeze knocks my neatly styled hair out of place. Not that i care how i look at the minute. Stepping onto the grass, the wetness of the rain from the previous night soaks through my socks. Reaching into my jacket pocket, i pull out a square box followed by an dark blue lighter. The now open box hits against the palm of my hand a couple of times until a single cigarette tumbles out. Placing it into my mouth, i flick my thumb against the wheel of the lighter, until the end of my cigarette glows a burning orange. Its much more peaceful out here, thankfully I'm alone which gives me time to clear up a few things in my head. Taking a long drag of the cigarette, with a sigh i breathe the smoke out through my mouth and nose. I actually stopped smoking for about a year which was mainly down to Gary, he use to bang on about my health because of my smoking and with a child in mind, i decided to give it up. Sadly during our break up i needed something for my nerves especially whilst going insane in Rehab, cigarettes were my only comfort, along with writing pages of lyrics for my new solo album and of course stuffing my face with chocolate. Staring up at the shining stars in the pitch black sky, my thoughts knock out the surroundings. "Hey..." Drifting along the wind a single word is spoken.

Spinning around on my heels, my free arm wraps around my own waist as the cigarette sits on my lips. The blonde fights his way through the long uncut grass until he reaches me. Immediately, his eyes fix onto the half smoked cigarette in my hand and a smudge of disappointment fills his face. "I didn't know you still did that..." With frowning lips, he speaks.
"Yeah, me neither... but sometimes you need a comfort..." Dropping it into a puddle on the floor, with a fizz the orange glow fades out.
"You alright...?"
"Yeah, you?" I lie.
Gary walks over to the empty wooden bench behind me, where he uncomfortably sits on the wet oak. "Uh huh... things are kinda getting mad in there... so i decided to come out for some fresh air, didn't know you had the same idea."
"Had to pull myself away from that cake, otherwise I'll be the size of a house... at least cigarettes stop me from over eating."
"You? Putting on weight?" Gary shakes his head as a faint smile lights up his face. "Impossible, I've always been jealous of your figure."
Shyly i brush my way beside him onto the bench. "Er...wouldn't be so sure about that."

"So...what are you really doing out here? Without any shoes on that is..." Pointing at my wet socks, its hard to believe they use to be white a few hours ago, noticing them now covered in mud.
"Needed some alone time... sometime to think things over..."
A lump forms in Gary's throat as he swallows hard from my words. "D...Do you want me to go?"
"I didn't mean that." Bluntly i reply, rubbing my thumbs together. Even though I'm not looking up at the person next to me, i can feel his eyes burning at the side of my head.
"Have i upset you, Mark? I thought you would be happy... i told you it wouldn't be easy."
"Its not that. Its not that at all. I'm happy... i want to be happy...its just-"
"What?" Gary crosses his leg over the other.

Looking back up into the sky, exhaling a deep audible breath, there's a strange feeling around, which i can't seem to put my finger on. "It doesn't feel like you want this."
"I already said, haven't i? What more do you want?" There he goes again, acting all strange. This isn't my Gary, this is the person Gary turned into back in the 90's. The Gary who use to get annoyed over the slightest things and take them out on the closest person to him. The Gary who couldn't care less about anyone else or their feelings. Sure i loved that Gary also, but i love the Gary i fell head over heels for. The Gary who is sweet, kind, charming, loving, selfless, funny...the list goes on.
"You've been avoiding me all night, Gary. Even more so after the kiss."
"Bollocks." He grunts under a sketchy breath filled with bitterness. Stretching my eyes over his remark, shocked is an understatement. Yes, he's swore many times in front of me and yes its not like i don't do it myself, but the tone of his voice is the reason for me to be upset. Gary picks up on my upset by taking one look into my eyes. "S...S...sorry i didn't mean that..." Twiddling his thumbs like a child who's about to get yelled at by his Mother, guilt now sounds in his voice. "Its just...its been a while... the thoughts of... you and her will never leave my mind, but I'm willing to take the time and get on with our lives... so as long as you will be patient with me."
Nodding my head, a soundless groan leaves my parted lips. "I've been fighting none stop to have you back in my life, Gaz. I'm not about to throw it away due to the streaks of anger, i understand i really do." Patting the top of his hand, i stroke his knuckles with my thumb.
"We've got all the time to get to know one another again... lets just relax and have a normal conversation without us ripping one anothers heads off, yeah?" Gary silently chuckles.

Time ticks on and its gone midnight before we know it. We sit beside each other underneath the sheltered bench at the end of the garden, as the rain pours from the sky hitting against the plastic roof. "Have you been getting up to anything lately then?"
"Not really." Sipping from my glass of apple juice, my hand rests at the back of my head. "Just finishing the album which should be out around June- ish."
"So you finally decided to go ahead with it? That's great to hear. Lucky you finding the time to put pen to paper."
"Well lucky for you for not ending up sending yourself to Rehab." I laugh to myself. "I had to do something before i ended up hanging myself. " Rolling my eyes, Gary stares at me in a shocked way by my sly comment. "I didn't mean that, Gaz. The place just bored me to tears, that's all." Even thinking about Rehab it still sends a shiver down my spine and a sickness in my stomach.
"Still its not nice to hear..." Speaking as quiet as possible, i merely hear his response under the blowing storm up above. Swiftly changing the subject, i focus more onto Gary's life.
"So... any up coming gigs for you? Did you manage to change those lyrics you were trying to write back last month?"
Gary curls up his lip and shakes his head horizontally. "Thrown myself back into X Factor instead, at least it gives my head a break. Constant thinking was driving me up the wall, not that i could concentrate anyway." His lips wrap around the rim of his green beer bottle.
"Oh really? That's good to hear... it will be nice to see someone with sense speaking on TV." Cringing at my own comment, i nudge my elbow lightly against Gary's hip.
"Er...thanks? The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the bloody photo shoots. Its been a while since I've had one and the mornings aren't pretty either, should be catching up on my sleep whilst i can, ay?"
"You seem to enjoy them to me. Well not as much as me and you're no Howard when it comes to photo shoots, at least we've finally found someone as grumpy as you." I snigger by my own comment, which causes Gary to give me a scolding type of look followed by a faint smile. "Besides, who could cope with a bunch of screaming women? Who would even want a job like that?" Sarcastically i roll my eyes.

"Alright Owen, i get your point. I have a pretty sound job. It gets me out of the house and helps me to focus on other things other than constant heartache. I guess its a win win really. When are you planning on touring? Before or after the album?"
Shrugging my shoulders i drum my fingers against my knee. "Thinking about doing it before...maybe next month...or in a couple of weeks? Just to give them a teaser of the album, but i don't know, Gary. I don't think I've gained enough confidence since my last album and jeez that was eight or nine years ago. Why did i bother again? I mean i should be focusing on our child... er...children... not albums which aren't going to sell."
"Enough of that." Gary interrupts, hushing me with a hand in front of my face. "You're going to do fine. I don't know what the songs are like, whether they are a different style to the ones you have previously written for a solo album or if it has that Take That feel to it, but i know one thing for sure and your fans also. You're a musical genius. You're a perfectionist. Now that gives you an advantage straightaway. If anyone criticises you, then they're right numpties who are missing out on music with actual meaning, not none of this hip hop R 'n' B crap which sounds like a robot breaking down." Bursting into laughter over Gary's sentence, I've missed his grumpy side and hatred against the modern world, the twenty first century. "I mean it Mark. You're a very talented man, with or without the band. You can do this."
"I sure hope so, Gaz. I wish i could believe you, but i can't until i see it for myself. My fanbase is a lot different than yours, fewer in fact. I'd be lucky to sell out in a tent."
"Then I'll come." Gary adds, knocking the glum look from my face.
"You, what?"
"I'll come. I'll come to support you. Its been a while since I've been to a gig anyway, so I'll look forward in hearing your new songs."
"Wow, thank you. That means a lot to hear that, Gary. I just hope i do well enough to impress you...I hope you will enjoy my songs..."
Gary shakes his head, resting his arm around the back of the bench. "I'm sure I'll love them. No surprise there. What exactly have you gone for on this album? Not turned into a robot have you?" Smugly he laughs.
"No, no." I bark with laughter. "Probably more set towards feelings... i guess in someway you could say this album is about...well...about us."
Suddenly Gary's smile fades and his eyes focus on the rain droplets bouncing against the stone slabs opposite us. "Ah, right. At least it gets the paps interest, eh?" Forcing out a laugh this time, white washes against his face, turning him almost ghost like.

"Are you OK, Gary?" Nervously i ask. "Have i done something to upset you?"
Rolling his eyes, deeply he breathes out a sigh. "No, course not. Just hope people don't start opening up old wounds."
"They will be hitting out at me. I'm the one who ended up in Rehab. I'm the one who made the mistakes causing our relationship to explode in front of me. I'm the one who tried to kill myself over all this." Feeling slightly hurt, i draw my eyes towards my glass, where the tears are being focused back.
"Wouldn't be so sure..." A whisper hits against the wind, swirling around my eardrums within seconds.
"What do you mean by that? You're safe, Gary. They won't hit out at you, you will be mentioned, of course you will. The daggers are for me, you haven't got the stupidity inside of you like me, you haven't done any of those things."
"That's we're you are wrong." Sharply he replies. "J...Just forget it..."
Squinting my eyes at the male who now avoids eye contact. "No, explain to me. What exactly have you done?"
"Mark. I don't want to talk about it. Forget it, yeah?"
"No, Gary. I wont forget it. You haven't been in Rehab, i know that for sure so that's out of the question. You wasn't the one who broke up our relationship, clearly that was me and you haven't tried to ki-." Before i even get chance to finish off my sentence, it strikes my mind. No, Surely... he couldn't...he didn't...right? "Gary...Did you?"
"Sorry." Is all he mumbles, as he teeth skim across his thumb nail for comfort. "I'm sorry, OK?"
"Why? When...? Was it because of me? It was...wasn't it?" My heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach just by the thought of Gary wanting to kill himself, which was entirely down to me.

"It was a few weeks ago, its not important. I didn't end up in Rehab like you."
"Whether you ended up in Rehab or not, its important Gary. Is this some way of you telling me I'm attention seeking for being there? Because that hurts me. That's painful." Shakily i speak.
"I didn't say that did i?!" Gary partly shouts. "Stop jumping to conclusions."
"Well tell me then and i wont jump to conclusions! Stop speaking in riddles and tell me the truth. I would rather hear it from your mouth than the mouth of a stranger. What happened?"
Gary sits in silence for a minute or two as the anger continues to seep through his body. Its obvious he's been meaning to get this off his chest for a while. "I just had enough, i guess like you had. Life was painful and it still kind of is. Sitting in that house was torture. Everything reminded me of you, even down to the sodding wallpaper, the bloody smells drifting around the house and even the fucking brand of Eco friendly bog roll. The house screamed Mark Owen. It was suffocating... that's when the dizziness pulled my eyes towards the photos on the fireplace. The one of us sitting on the back garden swing- a glass of red in one hand whilst the other was wrapped around your shoulder. We set up the camera for ten seconds and it took just as we laughed into our conversation. Perfect. The other was our Christmas one. Your favourite photograph amongst many others. I remember you proudly putting it in the center of the fire place and me sulking about it."

Tears prick in my eyes over the memories. "I remember..."
"Yeah, i couldn't take it anymore, my life was crumbling around me before my family life had even began. Taking hold of the photo tears ran down my cheeks, as i carefully studied the happiness and the cheesiness spread across our faces. It was like torture, so i threw it against the mirror."

"Seven years… " I whisper with a croaky voice.
"Bad luck was the last thing on my mind at the time. All i remember then was falling to my knees holding myself as i sobbed." Gary's bottom lip shakes almost like hes going to burst into tears himself.  Nervously i lift my hand, resting it onto his back, showing my support. "Stupidly, i sliced my fingers on the shattered mirror, whilst i searched for the now creased photograph of the happy couple. Looking at the pile of broken mirror, something caught my eye. A large piece of shiny metal, but of course it wasn't metal. Lifting up the object i held it in my hands briefly. That's when thoughts violently ran through my mind. I guess i had an angel and devil on each one of my shoulders. "He breathes out a sad laugh. "Sadly for me, the devil was winning."
"D… did...you?" Glancing down at Gary's limbs, my eyes scan for any sign of scaring.
"No." Bluntly he replies, holding out both of his wrists into my view. "Didn't have it in me. I have too much to lose. I ran the jagged mirror across the veins in my wrist,  just thinking. It could all be over so quickly, the pain will stop."
"Gary..." A tear escape my eye, which falls onto his jeans. The rain pounds harder onto the roof and the wind howls.
"Anyway..." Wiping his nose with his hand, he stands up almost knocking me off the bench as he does. "I best be off... its getting late and the storm is getting worse."
"Gary, wait." Taking hold of his hand, i bring him back into my company. "Will i see you tomorrow?"
Shrugging his shoulders, he takes a deep breath. "I don't know... depends what I'm up to...why?"
"Tomorrow's Valentine's day...well technically its today...but you know what i mean..."
"Oh, yeah. So it is... bad timing when we're in a situation like this."
Gripping tighter to his hand, i look him deep in the eyes. "Maybe...maybe we could do something? I don't mean wining and dining, but a nice home cooked meal and a bad movie? What do you say?"
Gary's itching to leave, to go home and rest his head. Tonight has been rough on him, opening up to me like that and it hasn't been easy for me to listen to something like that either. "I don't know."
"Please, Gary. I promise it wont even be like it is Valentine's day... it will just be two people having a meal and a nice quiet chat about family planning... hopefully we can order some paint off the internet and start on the nursery for Hannah, yeah?" Pleading with my eyes, my thumb strokes the light hairs on his knuckles. After a few minutes of debating with himself, Gary agrees to my plans.
"OK...fine. Can i go now?" We exchange a quick hug and a peck on the cheek before making our way back inside.
"See you about 6 ish?"
"See you there." Is the last thing Gary says as he walks to his car.